From Ought to Is

Everything in Life that we really accept, undergoes a change.

Katherine Mansfield

Here’s a test – can you be truly thankful for all that has happened in your life and work experience up till this point, and allow yourself to unswervingly trust in all that is to come? It’s a tough test, being able to be with what is the case, as it requires that we put aside our loyalties and attachments to what we believe is desirable or expected, our oughts. And yet, unless we can find that place within ourselves that can accept all of reality, the ‘is-ness’ of a situation, we will not be able to change it. 

Change starts by acknowledging what is, not by striving for what we wish or imagine the situation ought to be.

It’s radical, this shift from ought to is, as our normal response is to want to regret, deny or judge difficult experiences; it is very hard for the ego to answer the question, ‘In some way, how is this difficult experience a helpful teacher?’ Likewise, we are wont to strive and project our needs into future experience, imagining that life should be like that, or that others ought to now behave in that way. 

In my latest book, From Ought To Is, (embed link to amazon site when available) I take the reader on a guided journey on how to replace these inner codes that run our life – our oughts - with a clear-sighted and open-hearted attention to all that comes our way, recognising that getting alongside truth and reality, and not how we have been conditioned to see experience, are the primary catalysts for change and movement. 

I aim to model this radical from ought to is acknowledgment in my work, holding any field of interaction in the team or organization I am working with at a higher level. I don’t tend to get phased by disturbance, tension and conflict and can place opposing forces within a wider reality context that requires us to operate from a cleaner point of perception. All thought and action – however seemingly strange or opposing to our worldview – makes perfect sense when you can understand the broader system within which it is situated.

That is not to say that I condone all leadership behaviour that shows up in the boardrooms, governments, religious institutions and local communities of this world. But I do know that, in order to change a system, you first have to understand - and agree to - the deep source, or place, from which it operates.

What others say:

Deborah’s astute, enquiring mind and her courage to uncover and give voice to what is usually concealed has produced a book for our times with an unrivalled take on what keeps individuals, societies and organisations in deadlock.

Business Implementation Manager, Global Energy Company

‘Deborah is deeply interested in the complex business issues an organisation faces, asks strategic questions and very quickly understands organisation-wide dynamics and issues that are having significant impact which other business consultants rarely stop to think about. To boot, she has a very engaging approach, listening carefully to her clients, and works with you in building upon your thinking and bringing in her own extensive knowledge and expertise. She is therefore one of those few business consultants who act as "partners" in its truest sense. Overall, a business consultant of the highest calibre.' 

Partner, Professional Services Firm